With one week left in the regular season the rankings just keep getting crazier.
1. z-Deep Snappers (10-3)
2. y-Multiple Scoregasms (9-4); beat SOL
3. y-Sons Of Liberty (9-4)
4. x-Season 27 Champs (8-5); 1-1 vs. Guns, 2-3 division, outscored Guns by 21.5
5. x-Big Guns (8-5)
6. Freedom Factory (5-8); 2-1 vs Mayhem/Yankees, 1-1 vs. Swerve/Maulers, outscored Maulers by 172.5
7. DoubleSwerve (5-8); beat Mayhem, Maulers
8. Electric Mayhem (5-8); 2-0 vs Yankees, beat Maulers
9. Maulers (5-8); beat Weasels, Yankees
10. Weasels (5-8); beat Yankees
11. The Dirty Yankees (5-8)
12. Damn The Torpedoes (4-9)
Rankings and tiebreakers were independently verified by the Deputy Commish.
- Snappers have clinched the Central and the #1 seed (and $100) by virtue of head-to-head tiebreakers over MSG and SOL.
- MSG and SOL have clinched the #2 and #3 seeds. MSG will clinch the #2 seed with a win OR an SOL loss. SOL will clinch the #2 seed with a win AND an MSG loss.
- Champs and Guns have clinched the #4 and #5 seeds and will face each other in the first round of the playoffs. Champs will clinch the #4 seed with a win OR a Guns loss. Guns will clinch the #4 seed with a win AND a Chumps loss.
- No one else has clinched anything, at least to the extent that I’m willing to work out the scenarios. The only thing I can say for certain is that Torpedoes will be eliminated and clinch the top seed in the Gator Bowl with a loss.
- Since week 14 is the week that matters, I’ll breakdown every tiebreaker in next week’s R&C. Which will make for some invigorating reading let me tell you.
Mayhem 121, Yankees 112: Mayhem’s playoff hopes are still alive thanks to waiver pickup of the year Devin Singletary.
MSG 114, Factory 93.5: The East had the top three scores of the week, and four of the top six.
SOL 108.5, Maulers 54.5: TE was the only position where Maulers started the right guy(s).
Weasels 94.5, Torpedoes 61: Weasels got a goose egg from JJ and still won by 33.5. Torpedoes paid the price for violating the classic fantasy maxim of never starting two players with the first initial Q.
Snappers 90.5, Chumps 87: The Battle for the Central turned on Sun God’s injury.
Swerve 89, Guns 81: Swerve jumped back into playoff position and has Joe Burrow coming back.
Ruminations and Cogitations (Now With Viz! edition)
Let’s take a deeper dive into the rankings craziness.
- With only one week left no one has been eliminated, which has to be a first.
- The only team locked into their seed is Snappers at #1.
- Factory lost but jumped from #8 to #6.
- Of the three 5-8 teams in the East, only Yankees have a winning division record, yet they lose the tiebreakers to Factory and Mayhem.
- If Chumps and Guns both win or both lose, and Guns outscores Chumps by 21.5 points, the #4 and #5 seeds will come down to a coin flip (please let that happen).
I mean, just look at this:
- The top five teams are relatively stable but the bottom seven are utter chaos
- SOL is the only team whose ranking hasn’t changed
- Only two other teams haven’t fallen in the rankings (Snappers and Chumps)
- Only one other team hasn’t risen (Torpedoes)
Week 13 Awards: Hard Luck to Yankees (112), Dumb Luck to Swerve (89), Bench Mob to Maulers (90.5 – 54.5).
Team of the Week
| QB | Hat Trick Cojones | Mayhem | 29 |
| RB | Bijan Robinson | Snappers | 25 |
| RB | Achane/Monangai/Swift/Vidal | SOL/Yanks/Weasels/MSG | 19 |
| WR | A.J. Brown | Yankees | 25 |
| WR | Dontayvion Wicks | FA | 22 |
| TE | Brock Bowers | SOL | 20 |
| WR/TE | Rashee Rice | Mayhem | 21 |
| PK | Evan McPherson | FA | 24 |
| DST | Seahawks | MSG | 35 |
| Total | 220 |
Top 5 Non One-Hander Plays of the Week
5. George Pickens, man
4. Derrick Brown forced a Matthew Stafford fumble to seal the Panthers upset win
3. Tyler Shough hit Devaughn Vele late to cut the Dolphins lead to two . . .
2. . . . But Minkah Fitzpatrick ended the threat with a pick-2
- Winner – Tip drill of the year
Bonus: Tristan Wirfs scored the best Fat Guy TD of the season
As I’ve written before, if we ever do need a coin flip the official CFFL coin is sitting right here on my desk – the Millard Fillmore Presidential $1 Coin, featuring the stern yet benevolent visage of our greatest President (or at least the one with the greatest name).
By now you should know how I feel about one-handed catches (OVERRATED CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP), but when three all-timers happen in the same week, respect must be given.
Top 3 One-Handers of the Week
3. Puka with your standard backhanded one-hander
2. Treylon Burks summoned his inner OBJ
- The only thing harder than a one-hander ten feet off the ground is a one-hander two inches off the ground
Week 13 Overreactions
- I’ve still got the Patriots going to the Superb Owl. I know they’ve had the easiest schedule in the history of schedules, but the Pats beat Buffalo and Tampa Bay on the road and are hammering all the weaklings, unlike other teams with weak schedules who keep squeaking by *cough Broncos*.
- And I’ll still take the Rams even with the loss to Carolina. They’re the best all-around team I’ve seen this season.
- The Bengals are 4-8 with a -94 point differential, but I’ll take them to win the AFC North. The rest of the division is FUGAZI.
- Commish’s MVP rankings
- Matthew Stafford
- Drake Maye
- Josh Allen
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- If the Cowboys run down the Eagles it will be the greatest in-season turnaround in Cowboys history, and reluctant credit will have to be given to Jerrah for making the trades that got the defense back to respectable. If only he had done that before the season.
The Non-NFL Play of the Week was going to be Arch Manning finishing off the Aggies . . .
But . . . you know how I’ve been going on about the Tottenham center back who scores like a striker? Well check out this ridiculous goal today from Tottenham’s OTHER center back, Christian Romero.
That was his second goal of the day, which salvaged a late draw for Spurs. They’ve had troubles scoring lately but the answer clearly is to start the center backs as strikers.
BREAKING: Speaking of incredible goals, look at this beauty from the Stars tonight
My God that was gorgeous. Too bad the Stars couldn’t win the game.
Musical Interlude
This has nothing to do with anything, it just cracks me up.
NFL Quote Of The Year, presented without context
The Will Levis Memorial Bonehead Play of the Week was either whatever the hell this was . . .
. . . or whatever the hell this was
Hochuli Watch: it was bound to happen – our boy gets Cowboys/Lions on Thursday night. Someone check on Mike.
Trivia question: Who is the youngest QB in NFL history to lead 11 game-winning drives?1
The Commish Track is I’m A Song by Stephen Wilson.
Damn I wish I could write songs like that.
Uni watch, Thanksgiving edition
The Lions rocked their throwbacks in the early game
It’s pretty close to their home uni but with no stripes and no logo on the helmet. It’s pretty basic but I like it. 3.5/5 stars.
Then the Cowboys hit us with their 1960 throwbacks.
This might be my favorite of the Cowboys current unis. It’s between this and their navy blue away jerseys that they never wear. The white helmet is striking, and navy blue and white might be my favorite color combo (see Tottenham, Penn State, New York Yankees). 4/5 stars.
The Bengals busted out their white unis but with orange helmets.
I have to admit I don’t hate it. The splash of orange works better for me than the all-white combo with the black stripes, as the refs should be the only people on a football wearing only black and white. 3/5 stars.
The Ravens went with their Grimace unis which don’t work for me. Too much purple, and the gold numbers are gaudy. Throw some green in there and they’d look like Mardi Gras floats. 2/5 stars.
Then on Black Friday the Stars rolled out their new alternate ’99 jerseys
Let’s face it, the Stars have never had a great logo but going back to the 90s one is better than what they have now. And I like that they brought back the star pattern on the jersey. But something about it is off. It looks ok in pics but on TV it looks too dark as the black jersey and pants wash out the green. Maybe they need to go full ’99 and throw in some gold. It might grow on me but right now I’m not bowled over by it. 3.5/5 stars.
The Nepo Babe of the Week is Zoey Deutch, daughter of Lea Thompson.
It’s hard to believe we have one week left in the season, and even harder to believe that half the damn league is tied. Ya’ll could make this a lot easier if three of the 5-8 teams (including Mayhem) could win and the other three (plus Torpedoes) could all lose.
For our ender we’ll go back to Mitch Hedberg: “An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.”
Good luck to everyone (almost) in week 14,
The Commish
- Bryce Young ↩︎
Ruminations & Cogitations 
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