MSG 124, Mayhem 94.5: Top-heavy MSG only needed five guys to win this one.
Maulers 108.5, Weasels 92: Maulers got double-digit scoring from seven players.
Guns 107.5, Snappers 96: Guns scoring in their two wins: 110.5, 107.5. Guns scoring in their loss: 45.5.
SOL 103, Torpedoes 79.5: Might be the first ever CFFL game where the defenses were the top two scorers.
Yankees 98, Factory 86.5: Yankees also got double-digit scoring from seven players.
Chumps 85.5, Swerve 53.5: I always love it when the week’s second worst score gets a win. That was sarcasm.
Ruminations and Cogitations (Hard Rice edition)
Week 3 Awards: Hard Luck to Snappers (96), Dumb Luck to Chumps (85.5).
Week 3 Overreactions
- _______ Diggs is cooked (select all that apply)
- Stefon
- Trevon
- What we learned in week 3
- Start your defense against Cincinnati, at least while Joe Burrow is out
- Start your special teams against New Orleans
- Start your offensive players against Dallas
- It goes against my very being, but I have to resist the urge to pile on Matt Eberflus. He took over an already terrible defense and then had his best player traded away one week before the start of the season. He’s still ASS but this Cowboys disaster is not of his making.
- I was right the first time, Russ is absolute ASS.
- My combined record across six fantasy leagues is 4-14. I quit.
Top 5 Plays of the Week
5. Jeremy McNichols literally ran through the Raiders “defense” for a 60 yard TD.
4. Jukes, spin moves, broken tackles, high steps, and a touchdown – this Jonathan Taylor run had it all.
3. Trickeration! I don’t know which is worse, D’Andre Swift shot-putting the ball to Caleb Williams or the Cowboys defense still getting nowhere near Williams despite the extra time. Either way this play never would have worked against an actual NFL defense.
2. Justin Herbert has the early lead for the throw of the year.
1. Jared Goff hit Sun God with a perfect strike on 4th and 2 to seal the win Monday night.
Team of the Week
| QB | Jalen Hurts | Chumps | 30 |
| RB | Jonathan Taylor | MSG | 29 |
| RB | David Montgomery | Maulers | 28 |
| WR | Tre Tucker | FA | 32 |
| WR | Courtland Sutton | MSG | 17 |
| TE | Hunter Henry | Chumps | 25 |
| WR/TE | Mark Andrews | Mayhem | 24 |
| PK | Chase McLaughlin | FA | 20 |
| DST | Vikings | SOL | 37 |
| Total | 242 |
If you need evidence of how weird this week was, our top scorer was a defense and the runner up was a free agent WR.
And because this was such a weird week, we have a bonus Top 5 – Special Teams Edition:
5. The Commanders’ Jaylin Lane had a nice 90 yard punt return TD.
4. Not to be outdone, Tory Horton returned a punt 95 yards for a Seahawks TD1.
3. The Browns blocked a field goal with :27 left to preserve a tie and set up a winning field goal of their own.
2. The Jets blocked a field goal and returned it for a late TD to take a temporary lead over the Bucs.
1. The damn Eagles, who had blocked a field goal earlier in the fourth quarter, blocked another one at the gun to beat the Rams. And they scored a Fat Guy TD to boot.
The Non-NFL Play of the Week was Clayton Kershaw’s final regular season start in Dodger Stadium.
The Bonehead Play of the Week comes to us courtesy of Titans coach (for now) Brian Callahan, who somehow supervised one of the worst time management bungles I’ve ever seen. The Titans lined up a 57 yard FG near the end of the first half when the Colts called timeout. Then the Titans themselves called a timeout. Then – somehow – they had a delay of game penalty which knocked them back five yards. Then they tried the field goal anyway, which the Colts blocked. After that the Colts took over and got a FG of their own the close out the half.
CBS’ Ross Tucker summed it up perfectly.
Trivia question: What is the only NFL division with all four teams above .500?2
Hoch Watch! Everyone’s favorite referee, Shawn Hochuli, will work the Chargers and Giants on Sunday. I don’t know if it will be televised here but I also don’t care, since my partaking of a sporting event is not affected by the officials that get assigned to it.
BTW, every time I write Hoch Watch I hear it in my head like Eddie Murphy singing “Hot Tub!” as James Brown.
Uni Watch, week 3
Throwbacks are funny things. I can guarantee you I didn’t think much of the Patriots’ red jerseys back in the day, and I hated the Buccaneers’ creamsicles, but now I think both look awesome. Is it nostalgia, or just the confirmation that modern day uniforms mostly suck?
With the Pats it’s the latter, as their unis have sucked ever since they went away from the red.
The Bucs are harder because I like their newer unis, especially when they bust out the pewter pants. But the creamsicles hit the nostalgia button for me, even the away version.
Speaking of modern unis being ASS, I give you the Browns.
This atrocity makes me double down on my belief that all uniforms should have white in them somewhere (besides the helmet and NFL shield). Whoever decided on the brown jersey, brown pants and brown helmet combo should be shot.
But the best throwback of the weekend wasn’t on the field. CBS celebrated the 50th anniversary of The NFL Today, and boy did they do it right. This is worth a watch.
The old theme music is fantastic, and it was good to hear “You are looking live” from Brent Musburger again. Even the wardrobe and makeup was fun (I honestly didn’t recognize Bill Cowher).
Thanks to Rick for posting the video in the group chat.
The Commish Track of Week is When It’s Over by Sugar Ray.
If you didn’t hear at the draft, I got divorced this year after 25 years of marriage. I won’t bog things down with any details, other than to say that it probably should have happened a while ago. The split was as amicable as could be, and we’re on good terms, but it still sucks.
For the most part the lyrics really don’t apply to my situation, but one line gets me every time: “All the things that I used to know/Have gone out the window”. Which pretty much sums it up.
And now it’s time for everyone’s favorite new game show. The rules are simple: we give you a short bio, and you just have to . . . Name That Rice!
Easy Rice
1. He’s widely considered the greatest wide receiver in NFL history, he won three Super Bowls with the San Francisco 49ers and holds numerous career records.
2. He was a three-time Pro Bowl running back for the Baltimore Ravens who is best known for ending his career by punching his fiancée on video.
3. He’s currently under NFL suspension for causing a high-speed collision in Dallas.
Medium Rice
4. He was the last quarterback to lead Notre Dame to a national championship, in 1988.
5. He’s a Hall of Fame outfielder who played his entire 16-year career with the Boston Red Sox in the 1970s and 80s.
6. He’s a standout defensive end who recorded over 120 sacks in his NFL career, winning a Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
7. He still holds the record for most points scored in a single NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament (184, in 1989).
Hard Rice
8. He’s a wide receiver who played for the Minnesota Vikings and Seattle Seahawks, winning a Super Bowl with Seattle.
9. He’s a current midfielder for Arsenal Football Club (barf).
10. He’s the current first baseman for the New York Yankees.
The Nepo Babe of the Week is Margaret Qualley, daughter of Andie McDowell. She crawled out of Demi Moore’s back in The Substance3, was a Manson family dirtbag in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, and got very naughty with Aubrey Plaza in Honey Don’t. She’s hot stuff at the moment, and it’s not hard to see why.
Our first round of divisional play is complete, and 11 teams are either 2-1 or 1-2. Week 4 ushers in eight straight weeks of non-divisional goodness, starting with one of our biggest rivalry games – Mayhem/Maulers. Sensing the need to fortify their roster for the battle ahead, Maulers just pulled off a trade for Lamar Jackson. Will Mayhem have an answer? Stay tuned.
We’ll end it on this one from Jack Handey: “If trees could scream would we still cut them down? We might, if they did it all the time, for no good reason.”
Good luck to everyone (almost) in week 4,
The Commish
- Seattle also blocked a punt in that game. I learned today that their special teams coach is Jay Harbaugh, son of Jim. The coaching force is strong in that family. ↩︎
- NFC West (49ers 3-0, Rams/Cardinals/Seahawks 2-1) ↩︎
- I think, I didn’t see The Substance and probably won’t. ↩︎
Name That Rice answers:
- Jerry
- Ray
- Rashee
- Tony
- Jim
- Simeon
- Glen
- Sidney
- Declan
- Ben
Ruminations & Cogitations 
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