Snappers 132, Chumps 92.5: This game featured the top QB, PK and top two WRs in week 2, but Snappers had the better supporting cast.
Mayhem 111.5, Yankees 70.5: I’m going to assume Yanks owner didn’t check his player news this weekend.
Maulers 109.5, SOL 83.5: Maulers’ bench would have nearly won this one.
MSG 101.5, Factory 91: Bad time for a Courtland Sutton goose egg and a Chase McLaughlin doink.
Torpedoes 92, Weasels 91: Weasels’ bad luck continues, as Torpedoes won it on a 60 yard Quentin Johnston TD in the late Monday night game.
Swerve 77, Guns 45.5: Our first candidate for stinker of the year. Somehow Guns went from the high score of 110.5 in week 1 to this.
Ruminations and Cogitations (Unenforceability edition)
Week 2 Awards: Hard Luck to Chumps for losing with 92.5 and Dumb Luck to Swerve for winning with 77.
I’m giving the Bad Beat to Weasels for the second week in a row. Not only did Torpedoes come from behind to win on the bomb to QJ, but in the early Monday night game Bucky Irving did the hard work to get to the red zone, only to have Rachaad White – former Weasels practice squad member – vulture Irving’s TD with six seconds left. Brutal.
Team of the Week
| QB | Jared Goff | Snappers | 33 |
| RB | Jonathan Taylor | MSG | 27 |
| RB | James Cook | Yankees | 25 |
| WR | Amon-Ra St. Brown | Chumps | 30 |
| WR | Malik Nabers | Snappers | 28 |
| TE | Tucker Kraft | Maulers | 21 |
| WR/TE | Rome Odunze | Maulers | 28 |
| PK | Brandon Aubrey | Chumps | 23 |
| DST | Falcons | FA | 28 |
| Total | 243 |
I knew the R&C had a long reach but I didn’t realize it made it to New York, where evidently Russellwilson read it and resolved to show everyone that he is in fact NOT ASS. Message received.
Week 2 Overreactions
- In the long pantheon of shitty retread Cowboys defensive coordinators (Rob Ryan, Monte Kiffin, Rod Marinelli, Mike Nolan, Mike Zimmer), Matt Eberflus might just be the worst.
- Houston should trade Joe Mixon. For as little as they run the ball Nick Chubb looks just as good.
- I bet Cleveland and Carolina wish they could have Baker Mayfield back.
- The Colts will run away with the AFC South, and if Indiana Jones keeps this up he’ll be in the MVP conversation.
- Earth, Jayden Daniels . . . Jayden Daniels, Earth.
I had a great sports weekend. It started with Plano winning on Friday to go to 3-0 and ended with the Cowboys winning on Sunday, but in between Saturday was something special.
Won: Tottenham, SMU, Rangers, FC Dallas.
Didn’t Lose: FSU (idle), Aston Villa (draw)
Lost: Florida, Notre Dame
It wasn’t perfect as Miami, Oklahoma and Ohio State didn’t lose, but overall…
Top 5 Plays of the Week
5. In NFL history there have been four FGs of 64+ yards. Brandon Aubrey has two of them.
4a. Malik Washington returned a punt 74 yards for the go ahead TD in the 4th quarter vs. New England . . .
4b. . . But on the ensuing kickoff Antonio Gibson went 90 yards to take the lead back for good.
3. The front-runner for Bonehead Play of the Year was Steelers rookie Kaleb Johnson not fielding a live ball on a kickoff and giving the Seahawks an easy TD.
2. James Cook had a beautiful 44 yard TD run . . .
1. . . But Puka had a 45 yard TD run that was even better.
I’m proposing a new rule – starting next year, week 1 doesn’t count. The NFL is obviously still in preseason mode so I say we make it a CFFL preseason week. It will give us the chance to try our lineups and make appropriate roster changes before playing any real games just like the NFL does, and we always say we want to be as close to the NFL as possible.
Yep, I just convinced myself. I’m exercising the “best interests of the league” clause and unilaterally abolishing week 1. You’re welcome.
Over the years I’ve given Jerry the business, but I have to give him props when it’s due. He pulled off a stunner this week by signing Jadeveon Clowney, a move that demonstrates for all time that he is a man of vision who is clearly playing chess while the rest of the NFL plays checkers.
Jerry saw not only what the NFL is now, but had the ability to intuit what it will be in the near future, and in doing so reached a groundbreaking conclusion light years before any other GM: that to succeed in the NFL for today and beyond you need . . . an elite pass rusher.
Enter the Clowney.
Most teams would have drafted such a player and signed them to a long-term contract, but a shrewd GM like Jerry would never fall into such an obvious trap. Instead he bided his time while another team drafted his man #1 overall eleven years ago, then patiently waited as he played for six teams in ten years before checkmating the entire league and signing him at age 32.
Clowney’s highlights are too numerous to include here, so I’ll trim them down to the top three.
At #3:
At #2:
And the #1 Jadeveon Clowney highlight:
Much as acquiring Charles Haley was the final piece of the Superb Owl puzzle in 1992, so the signing of Clowney will undoubtedly return the Cowboys to the promised land. And Cowboys fans will have no one but Jerry to thank.
The Non-NFL Play of the Week was Texas A&M TE Nate Boerkircher – yes, that Nate Boerkircher – hauling in an 11-yard TD on 4th and goal with :13 seconds left to upset Notre Dame.
With any luck that dope Dean Blandino may have finally contributed something positive to the NFL landscape. By trashing the Tush Push live on the air and basically calling it unenforceable, he hopefully administered the deathblow. It only survived by two votes when the owners voted on it last winter. They tried the unsafe angle but couldn’t prove that it caused any injuries, so maybe unenforceability will give owners a valid reason to finally kill it.
It used to be illegal to push any ball carrier until about twenty years ago, and they either need to go back to that or even it out by allowing defenders to push each other, which no one wants to see.
Trivia question: What is the only team in the Superb Owl era to not punt in either of their first two games in a season?1
Hoch Watch! Our favorite referee will work the Raiders/Commanders game on Sunday, but sadly the game won’t be televised in DFW. Who knows, maybe without a national TV audience he might do an ok job.
The Commish Track of the Week is It Was A Good Day by Ice Cube.
Robert Redford died today. The Sting is one of my favorite movies, and there’s a quiet scene in it where he’s waiting on the street for a waitress to get off work. He follows her home (which I guess isn’t creepy when you’re Robert Redford) and talks his way in with some of the best dialogue in the whole movie. I couldn’t find it all on one YouTube clip so here it is in two parts.
First the beautifully shot street scene, which I’m just realizing is reminiscent of Nighthawks, the famous painting by Edward Hopper that I viewed in Chicago a few weeks ago.
And here’s part two where he closes the deal
Redford was also great in Butch & Sundance and I liked him a lot in Captain America: Winter Soldier, but to many sports movie lovers out there he will always be Roy Hobbs in The Natural.
RIP Robert Redford, the only man to successfully pull off blond.
The Nepo Babe of the Week is Eva Amurri. Famous parent: Susan Sarandon.
She looks like her mom but prettier, and like her mom she was down with showing some skin early in her career, but she’s married with kids now and doesn’t do that anymore I don’t think. Pity.
We’ll wrap with this one from Frankie Boyle: “I couldn’t get tickets to the Olympic synchronized swimming, so instead I watched a woman drown through a kaleidoscope.”
Good luck to everyone (almost) in week 3,
The Commish
- The 2025 Indianapolis Colts ↩︎
Ruminations & Cogitations 
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