Week 13 Playoff Rankings
1. z-The Dirty Yankees (12-1)
2. y-Sons of Liberty (10-3)
3. DoubleSwerve (6-7)
4. x-Freedom Factory (9-4)
5. x-Multiple Scoregasms (7-6); beat Torpedoes
6. x-Damn The Torpedoes (7-6)
7. Electric Mayhem (6-7)
8. Deep Snappers (5-8); beat Maulers, outscored Guns by 123
Gator Bowl
9. Maulers (5-8); beat Guns
10. Big Guns (5-8)
11. e-Weasels (3-10); beat Champs
12. e-Season 26 Champs (3-10)
I haven’t gone through every possible scenario but I think these are solid.
- Yankees has clinched the #1 seed and share of the all-time best single season record. They’ve also earned our inaugural $100 payout for winning the #1 seed.
- SOL has clinched the #2 seed
- Swerve will clinch the #3 seed with a win, but is eliminated with a loss AND a Snappers win
- Factory has clinched the #4 seed
- MSG will clinch the #5 seed with a win
- Torpedoes will clinch the #5 seed with a win AND an MSG loss
- Mayhem will clinch a playoff spot with a win
- Snappers will clinch the #3 seed with a win AND a Swerve loss
- Maulers will clinch a playoff spot with a win AND a Snappers loss
- Guns will clinch the #3 seed with a win AND a Snappers loss
- Weasels and Chumps are eliminated
SOL 120, Weasels 82: SOL has won six straight and sits at #1 in the Power rankings.
Snappers 113, Swerve 110.5: Snappers had a big lead but had to sweat out a monster game from Jerry Jeudy on MNF.
Yankees 110, MSG 74.5: Yankees are one win away from the best record in league history.
Torpedoes 109.5, Maulers 107: One more pick 6 from Jameis would’ve won it for Maulers.
Guns 98.5, Chumps 87.5: In the end, when the tales are told, the prophecy of Chumps’ name will go unfulfilled.
Factory 95.5, Mayhem 89.5: Et tu, Jameis?
Ruminations and Cogitations (I’m Your Goddamn Partner edition)
Week 13 Awards: Hard Luck to Swerve with 110.5, Dumb Luck to Factory (their fourth) with 95.5.
If Famous Jameis had pulled off another TD pass to Jeudy – or a third pick 6 – Snappers or Torpedoes would have earned an epic Bad Beat.
Team of the Week
| QB | Jameis Winston | FA | 33 |
| RB | Bucky Irving | Weasels (PS) | 24 |
| RB | Bijan Robinson | Snappers | 19 |
| WR | Jerry Jeudy | Swerve | 31 |
| WR | Keenan Allen/Terry McLaurin | Torpedoes/SOL | 19 |
| TE | Brock Bowers | SOL | 25 |
| WR/TE | David Njoku | Factory | 21.5 |
| PK | Chad Ryland/Chase McLaughlin | FA | 16 |
| DST | Cowboys | Yankees | 19 |
| Total | 207.5 |
Even with two pick 6’s Famous Jameis was still the Player of the Week.
Over dinner on Black Friday I got a real-life glimpse of the Taylor Swift effect on the NFL when my mother, who has never volunteered a football related thought in her life, suddenly said “I think Travis Kelce’s problem is that he isn’t focused on football.”
(My mother, you see, is suddenly a Chiefs fan due to her youngest grandchild’s obsession with all things Swift.)
She went on. “He’s got his podcast, he hosts a game show, and I think he’s planning his post-football career. He only came back this year to try to win three straight Super Bowls.” To which I replied, “I think you’re right.”
It may not seem like much but I’ve never heard her offer up a football opinion at the dinner table before. Such is the power of the Swift.
Things might get testy in my parents’ house if the Bills and Chiefs meet again in the playoffs, with my dad being a Bills fan and all. It’s almost enough to make me want to watch the game with them, but I’d regret it once my dad starts griping at the TV after every play that gains less than five yards.
Top 5 Plays of the Week
5. DeMarvion Overshown made a great play for a Cowboys pick 6.
4. Long TD passes look better when the defender dives for it and misses.
3. Saquon sealed the win for the Eagles.
2. Josh Allen with the TD pass and catch.
1. Fat Guy TD!
Non NFL play of the week: Mason Marchment’s game-winning spin-o-rama goal against Winnipeg. Gorgeous.
Week 13 Overreactions
- I’m starting to think that maybe, just maybe . . . CeeDee Lamb is a tad overrated.
- My NFL MVP votes
- Josh Allen
- Saquon Barkley
- Jared Goff
- Lamar Jackson
- My favorite part of Leonard Williams’ Fat Guy TD was the Jets’ total lack of effort to run him down. The O-line guys give it a go but none of the fast guys seemed to care. At the top of the video you can even see AA-Ron take one step before giving up, but to be fair he couldn’t beat a 300 pound guy in a match race, much less catch one with a head start.
- Kirk Cousins’ pick 6 against the Chargers is the frontrunner for worst throw of the year. From the moment he cocks his arm you can tell what’s going to happen. He looks washed.
- The worst part about the Heisman House commercials is that they force me to acknowledge the continued existence of Tim Tebow.
Stat of the Week: The Bengals are 2-4 when scoring 33 or more points this season. The rest of the NFL is 52-1.
Uni Watch
I saw some love on social media for the Broncos’ uniforms on MNF but I didn’t care for them. Denver looks their best when they lean into the orange, not minimize it. The white helmets weren’t bad, but combined with the all navy combo they looked like the 2019 Chargers, on TV at least.
The Sunday night game in Buffalo had great snow-related visuals but the uniforms also caught my eye. I’ve gone on before about my love for Buffalo’s home uni, but don’t sleep on the 49ers road uni. I know I’m supposed to hate the Niners, and I generally do, but I think the red and gold is the best color combo in the NFL. And they’re one of the few teams whose road uni looks better than their home.
The Jets need to lose the black, stat. Their colors should only be green and white. Green and black definitely don’t mix, at least not the way they do it.
The Commish Track is the angel of 8th ave. by Gang Of Youths. Apparently they’re Australian, if that matters to anyone.
Trivia question: Raiders TE Brock Bowers is one of two tight ends in NFL history to reach 800+ receiving yards in the first 12 games of his rookie season. Who was the other?1
The 80s Babe of the Week is Karen Allen, aka Marion Ravenwood from Raiders of the Lost Ark. You might also know her from such films as Animal House, Starman, and Scrooged. If you looked up “wholesome good looks” in the dictionary you’ll find her picture, flashing that million dollar smile.
We’ve reached the end of our regular season. All the week 14 games have playoff positioning on the line except Yankees/Factory, but Yankees are gunning for a record 13th win in that one so they won’t be resting their starters, unless they’re on a bye (seriously, six teams in week 14? What’s up with that?).
Next week’s R&C will feature the official rankings and playoff matchups. After that, shit gets real.
Our Dad joke: What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead and I’ll give these two a lift.
Good luck to everyone (almost) in week 14,
The Commish
- Mike Ditka (974) ↩︎
Ruminations & Cogitations 
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