If the season ended today:
1. The Dirty Yankees (7-1)
2. Sons of Liberty (5-3)
3. Season 26 Champs (3-5); 2-1 divisional record; beat Snappers
4. Freedom Factory (6-2)
5. Multiple Scoregasms (5-3)
6. Maulers (4-4); beat Torpedoes
7. Damn The Torpedoes (4-4)
8. Deep Snappers (3-5); 2-1 divisional record; beat Guns, Swerve
9. Big Guns (3-5); beat Swerve, Mayhem
10. Electric Mayhem (3-5); beat Swerve
11. DoubleSwerve (3-5)
12. Weasels (2-6)
SOL 130, Factory 106.5: Oh great, Jalen Hurts is back. Yippee.
Torpedoes 121, Swerve 96: Torps’ bold call to start Bo Nix over Hat Trick Cojones paid off.
Yankees 115, Snappers 111.5: Yankees stay on top of the rankings thanks to a punt return TD and a late Russellwilson TD pass on MNF.
MSG 113.5, Maulers 91: After starting 0-3, MSG has reeled off five non-division wins in a row.
Guns 84, Mayhem 77: Mayhem left their top two QBs, #2 RB, and #1 WR on the bench, while Guns left their #1 QB, #2 RB, #1 WR and #1 TE on theirs. Not exactly a fantasy coaching clinic.
Weasels 82, Chumps 78.5: Chumps would have won if they’d started the right … kicker? Seriously, who has two kickers on their roster when neither is on a bye?
Ruminations and Cogitations (Simpsonized edition)
Contrary to what the empirical evidence suggests, teams that deployed a two TE strategy went 4-0 last week. Which was fitting for National Tight End Day (whatever that is).
Hard Luck to Snappers for losing with 111.5 points. Dumb Luck to Weasels for winning with 82.
Team of the Week
| QB: Jalen Hurts (SOL) | 34 |
| RB: James Cook (Snappers) | 25 |
| RB: Josh Jacobs (MSG) | 24 |
| WR: CeeDee Lamb (Swerve) | 26 |
| WR: Ladd McConkey (MSG) | 23 |
| TE: Cade Otton (Weasels) | 24.5 |
| WR/TE: Kyle Pitts (Torpedoes) | 23 |
| PK: Anders Carlson (FA) | 16 |
| DST: Lions (Factory)/Steelers (Yankees) | 13 |
| Total | 208.5 |
Week 8 Overreactions
- The Cowboys are 3-4 on the way to 6-11.
- Thanks for playing, player version:
- Greg Zuerlein
- Daniel Jones
- Tyrique Stevenson
- DeShaun Watson
- Anthony Richardson
- If Buffalo can get the Chiefs at home in the playoffs, they’ll take KC out.
- Thanks for playing, coach version:
- Mike McCarthy
- Doug Pederson
- Matt Eberflus
- Antonio Pierce
- Dennis Allen
- Famous Jameis will be an NFL starter in 2025
Holy crap Freddie Freeman. I thought (and still think) that Corey Seager’s World Series tear (3 HR in 5 games) was epic, but Freeman has four homers in four World Series games, and six in six if you go back to the 2021 Series, which is insane. Bow to your sensei.
Top 5 Plays of the Week
5. This might be the best punt I’ve ever seen
4. Famous Jameis giveth . . . (stay tuned for the rest of the verse)
3. D’Andre Swift made the Washington defense look foolish
2. Ladd McConkey, come on down
1. The prohibitive favorite for Play of the Year
Bonus Trickeration: David Montgomery threw a TD pass to Sam LaPorta
Stat of the Week
NFL teams that scored 20+ points, didn’t commit a single turnover, and held their opponent under 250 total yards were 756-0 all-time until the Jets hit those targets and somehow lost to the Patriots in week 8.
The Week 14 Monday night game between the Bengals and Cowboys will air an alt-cast called “Simpsons Funday Football”. No, really. This is apparently not a joke.
According to the ESPN press release:
- Each Bengals and Cowboys player will appear as a motion-enabled, animated player
- Bart Simpson sides with Joe Burrow and the Bengals while Homer aligns with Dak Prescott and the Cowboys.
- Each will select key opportunities to play offense and/or defense, replacing a player and joining his other 10 teammates on the field
- Marge and Lisa will interview players during the game and Maggie will fly the SkyCam
- Hank Azaria, Nancy Cartwright, Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner and Yeardley Smith will voice several of their characters in prerecorded bits and skits
- Lisa, Krusty, Nelson, Milhouse and Ralph will be with Bart (Bengals); while Carl, Barney, Lenny and Moe will be with Homer (Cowboys)
- Animated segments incorporating Stephen A. Smith, Peyton and Eli Manning and more will appear in the telecast
- Players from both teams will have pre-recorded segments which include interactions with Simpsons characters
- ESPN’s Mina Kimes and Dan Orlovsky will provide football strategy discussion with Drew Carter calling the game action. Kimes, Orlovsky and Carter will be animated in the style of the Simpsons
Uh, ok.
Look, I would argue that the first 7-8 seasons of The Simpsons is some of the greatest TV comedy ever made, but it had seriously declined by season 11, and they just started airing season 36, so an equal argument can be made that the show has overstayed it’s welcome and hasn’t exactly been relevant in the last 20-25 years.
All of which begs the question – why? What viewers does Disney and the NFL hope to attract that they don’t already have? I understand the NFL SlimeTime alt-casts on Nick, because it’s never too soon to rope in young viewers, but I doubt kids will be racing to the TV on a Monday night to tune in Simpsons Funday Football. And I don’t imagine many adults in the Simpsons age range will be able to stomach a live-animated game broadcast.
I might tune in for a few plays (less if Stephen A. Smith is on) but I’ll be sticking with the regular ESPN broadcast.
The Commish Track is The City of New Orleans by Arlo Guthrie. They don’t write ’em like that anymore.
TV comedies, ranked
- M*A*S*H
- The Simpsons (seasons 1-7)
- Fawlty Towers
- Community
- Barney Miller
- Taxi
- Brooklyn Nine-Nine
- 30 Rock
- WKRP In Cincinnati
- NewsRadio
- Arrested Development
- Friends
- Cheers
- Night Court (original)
- Archer
- Scrubs
- Everybody Loves Raymond
- Veep
- Seinfeld
- The Middle
That was originally going to be a top ten list but I couldn’t narrow it down. And yes, Seinfeld is at the bottom. Fight me. And no, I never watched The Office or Parks and Rec.
Trivia question
According to NFL Next Gen Stats, which NFL starter has 12 TD passes with a completion probability less than 30% since the start of last season, four more than any other QB in that span?1
Sketch shows, ranked
- Monty Python’s Flying Circus
- Mr. Show with Bob and David
- Saturday Night Live
- The Muppet Show
- SCTV
The 80s Babe of the Week is Teri Garr. It’s not an exaggeration to say that the movie I watched most often as a kid was Young Frankenstein, and she made quite an impression. Granted the movie was from the 70s, but it was the 80s when I watched it, plus she was in some big 80s comedies like Tootsie and Mr. Mom, not to mention her frequent guest appearances on Late Night with David Letterman, who had an obvious crush on her. As did we all.
She wasn’t supermodel hot but she was cute as the dickens and was funny to boot. RIP.
We’ll end with a Dad joke: I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Good luck to everyone (almost) in week 9,
The Commish
Ruminations & Cogitations 
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