Ruminations & Cogitations

Week 7, 2024

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cfflcommish
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In 2024, the Chiefs win with defense and the Ravens are an offensive juggernaut

We are halfway through the regular season, so here are your inaugural 2024 CFFL rankings!

1. The Dirty Yankees (6-1); beat Factory

2. Sons of Liberty (4-3); beat Maulers

      3. Season 26 Champs (3-4); 2-1 divisional record; beat Snappers

      4. Freedom Factory (6-1)

      5. Multiple Scoregasms (4-3), outscored Maulers by 11

      6. Maulers (4-3)

      7. Damn The Torpedoes (3-4); 1-0 vs Snappers/Mayhem/Swerve; 659.5 points

      t-8. Deep Snappers (3-4); 1-0 vs Torpedoes/Mayhem/Swerve; 652.5 points

      t-8. Electric Mayhem (3-4); 1-0 vs Torpedoes/Snappers/Swerve; 652.5 points

      10. DoubleSwerve (3-4); 0-2 vs Torpedoes/Snappers/Mayhem

      11. Big Guns (2-5)

      12. Weasels (1-6)

      Snappers and Mayhem are in a dead tie for the last playoff spot, which I believe is the first time that’s ever happened. If this was week 15 the #8 seed would be determined by a coin flip1, which sounds awesome in theory, but if Mayhem was involved I’d definitely lose (because Mayhem) in which case I would curse all of you and shut down the league permanently. So let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

      And yes, I’m aware the CBS standings have Snappers in first place in the Central, but CBS doesn’t use our exact tiebreakers. The above rankings are correct, but they only really matter after week 14 anyway.

      Maulers 122.5, Mayhem 90.5: The only blowout of the week. Sigh.

      Factory 101, Torpedoes 100.5: The Chiefs game ended with Hat Trick Cojones taking two knees for -2 yards, which cost Torpedoes a point.

      Chumps 101, SOL 94: Big games from Tank Bigsby and Breece Hall won it for Chumps.

      MSG 99, Snappers 91.5: Pretty impressive score from two teams whose QBs totaled 13 points.

      Weasels 73, Guns 72: Through Sunday, Weasels had 12 points. They got 61 on Monday night.

      Yankees 69.5, Swerve 68.5: Big talk in the group chat from the guy who was a late Derrick Henry TD away from posting the worst score of the week.

      Ruminations and Cogitations (Beasts Of The East edition)

      This will be a light one this week. Commish is tired and has been dealing with a lot of shit lately, and to top it off we’re having IT issues at CFFL HQ that are taking up my time tonight.

      Some questions were raised in the chat group this weekend, so it’s time to revisit the little quirk we have with the IR slot. The rules say that an illegal roster scores 0 points for the week, and I have that setting turned on, but CBS doesn’t regard a roster with an active player in an IR slot as illegal.

      This comes up every year or two, and Sunday it happened with SOL and Nick Chubb. The Browns activated Chubb from IR earlier in the week but Carl didn’t activate him before kickoff, so he’s still in SOL’s IR slot. The website allows this to happen, but Carl will be forced to correct the situation the next time he does anything with his roster. To my knowledge there’s not an option to force the website to flag the roster as illegal.

      I guess this is because NFL teams could activate a player from IR hours and maybe minutes before kickoff, and CBS doesn’t want owners to get screwed by a last minute activation. Otherwise I can’t think of a reason why they do it that way. In any event, the result is that SOL’s week 7 score is valid but Carl will need to get his roster right this week.

      Week 7 awards: The Hardest of Hard Luck awards goes to Torpedoes for losing with 100.5 points, and the Dumbest of Dumb Luck awards goes to Yankees for winning with a measly 69.5.

      Most weeks we don’t have a Bad Beat winner, but this week we have multiple candidates:

      • Big Guns, who led 59-12 going into MNF but lost 73-72 when Lamar Jackson threw a late TD pass to Derrick Henry.
      • DoubleSwerve, who lost by a point on the same Derrick Henry TD
      • But the Bad Beat goes to Damn The Torpedoes for losing on two kneeldowns, which is as bad as it gets.

      We’re only halfway through the season, and things can change, but right now the East is kicking y’all’s ass. The East is 19-9 overall and 13-3 in non-division games, while the Central and West have losing records in both. The East has two 6-1 teams, two teams with four-game win streaks, and the only team that has led the weekly scoring twice. Just imagine what we’d be doing if Mayhem was any good.

      In short, the East rules, and to the Central and West haters I say

      The Player of the Week was Lamar Jackson (Weasels) with 35 points.

      The other top scorers were

      RB: Jahmyr Gibbs (MSG), 28

      WR: Rashod Bateman (FA), 18

      TE: Jonnu Smith (FA), 18.5

      PK: Cameron Dicker (FA), 21

      DST: Broncos (Maulers), 20

      Week 7 Overreactions

      • If the NFL sticks to the standard “QB on the best team” formula for the MVP award, Jared Goff better clear a space on his mantle.
      • Speaking of which, it’s looking like a Lions/Ravens Superb Owl to me.
      • There should be eight bye weeks, with a different division on bye each week. After the bye they should have Thursday night doubleheaders with the division teams coming off the bye. That way no one would play Thursday on a short week.
      • As bad as Sunday was, the Giants haven’t hit rock bottom yet.
      • World Series pick: I’m rooting for the Yankees, but give me the Dodgers in six.

      Top 5 Plays of the Week

      5. The Bengals opened their game with a kickoff return TD.

      4. In London, the Jaguars’ Parker Washington hauled a punt back for a 97 yard TD. Fortunately he wasn’t distracted by the fake crowd noise.

      3. The Bucs had Derrick Henry mostly bottled up. Then this happened.

      2. First it looked like Hat Trick Cojones would get sacked. Then it looked like he would be stopped short of the first down. Instead he somehow got free and ran for 33 yards.

      1. Not be outdone, Kyler Murray went all Kyler Murray on the Chargers.

      Stat of the week: Anthony Richardson’s career completion percentage of 53.5% ranks 244th of 274 quarterbacks to attempt 100 passes since 2000.

      The Commish Track is What About The Children by Gary Clark Jr. with Stevie Wonder

      The 80s Babe of the Week is Donna Dixon, the hot blonde from Bosom Buddies who dated Paul Stanley from KISS before marrying Dan Ackroyd. Talk about two guys who outkicked their coverage.

      Our ending Dad joke: I adopted a dog from a blacksmith, but as soon as I brought him home he made a bolt for the door.

      Good luck to everyone (almost) in week 8,

      The Commish

      1. The Millard Fillmore Presidential $1 Coin is the official coin of the CFFL. ↩︎

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